The Lion Sleeps Tonight

"All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity." ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet




I have a soft spot for Disney. I wish I could write up some diatribe about the evils of Disney, with their blatant misogyny; their recycled story lines, characters, and even whole animated sequences; or even their weird obsession with orphans, but i cannot. I was a Disney kid. Thanks to the Magical World of Disney, I set sail around the world in search of flying elephants, ostrich-riding island children, and BDSM. It was a joyous time indeed.

 ~"You've been bloody naughty. You deserve a proper spanking."~

SWOON!

So I jumped at the opportunity to re-view one of the best, The Lion King (1994). It is the retelling of Shakespeare's Hamlet on the Serengeti, with a pride of . . . LIONS! That's right, Disney doesn't want to confuse the children.  Let's see here. The story centers around Simba, the new cub (voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas of Home Improvement fame, oh and apparently the wall of my girlfriend--she obviously had bad taste from an early age) to King Mufasa (voiced by Darth Vader James Earl Jones.) Our conniving uncle Scar (brilliantly voiced by Jeremy Irons) concocts a double-assassination attempt with his hyena friends to initiate a   coup, allowing both lion and hyena to coexist in fascist harmony. Seriously, have you noticed the not-too-subtle visual references to Nazi Germany.

So Spoiler Alert after Darth Vader Mufasa dies, Simba is ran off by the Hyenas into the wilderness. What got me, even as a child, was the hyenas used the word "KILL." I don't believe that movie had ever been uttered in an animated Disney classic before. Another first is, THE FATHER DIES. Seriously, in every other fucking Disney classic, it's the mother who gets whacked. Bambi, Snow White, Cinder-fuckin-ella, each had their mothers ripped away. I suppose you can't have a Hamlet story without a dead father, the male lion is where all the action is. Even if they are a bunch of lazy fucks.

~Look at my noble nuts, bitches.~

So the newly orphaned, newly homeless, still-fucking-maneless Simba befriends the comic reliefs of Timon and Pumbaa, and learns all about the carefree life of taking care of numero uno. They even have a fucking montage song. (They seriously sing that song for about 2 years.) 

But it's Disney. They like music. This time, they opted to have a real rockNroller into the Magic Kingdom, Sir Elton Fucking John. *bows* No one can write a ballad like that ball-licker. (And I mean that with the utmost respect, Sir Reggie.)

~Disney's Liberace~

Then there is the long-lost love thing, the monkey-whacking thing, the "oh fuck, i'm my father!" thing, the back from the grave thing, the kill your uncle thing. But you know, with whimsical talking animals and shit.